Dear Heaven: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
Dear Heaven: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?
Dear Heaven: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the “Chrysler Eagle” the “Chrysler Beagle”?
Dear Heaven: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
Dear Heaven: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID’s, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
Dear Heaven: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear Heaven: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
Dear Heaven: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.
I will not eat the cats food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
I will not munch on “leftovers” in the kitty litter box, although they are tasty.
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
The sofa is not a ”face towel”. Neither are Mom and Dad’s laps.
The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
I will not bite the officer”s hand when he reaches in for Mom”s driver”s license and registration.
I will not play tug-of-war with Dad”s underwear when he”s on the toilet.
Sticking my nose into someone’s crotch is an unacceptable way of saying “hello”.
I don’t need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m under the coffee table.
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house, not after.
I will not throw up in the car.
I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when we have company.
The cat is not a ”squeaky toy” so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it’s usually not a good thing.
And, finally, My last questions…
Dear Heaven: Why do humans only have 10 Commandments and dogs have 16?