Jokes SMS

• I hate it when you leave, but I would like to see you go.
• When do you know a woman is going to say something interesting? …. When she starts with “My husband said…”
• One chicken to an other: are you tokkin’ to me?
• Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged.
• A blond woman picks up a 100. Was it a smart or a stupid blond one? …………………. stupid of course, there are no others
• What’s the difference between blonds and traffic-signs? Some signs say stop.
• When god created the men he was only kidding
• Why does a stupid blond woman sneak past the pharmacy? …………….. She does not want to wake the sleeping tablets!
• Dear God, I will keep it brief otherwise they will steal my dinner. AMEN
• When you harass a boy, pull his pants down and your skirt up, because you can run faster with your skirt up than he with his pants down.
• There are three girls in the sixth grade … A blond a brown and a red. Who has the biggest boops? ………… The blond because she already reached the age of 20!!!
• If I’d had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents!
• How to keep an idiot entertained *press down*………………………………… How to keep an idiot entertained *press up*
• Can I have your picture? ……… I save natural disasters
• Of course… If you want something there is always a way to get there. Unfortunately on my way there are road works.
• You wanna come to my place for some pizza and sex? No? Why, don’t you like pizza?!
• Why is a woman 20.000 $ worth and a man only 2$? A woman has a milk factory, a mussel farm and a sawmill; a man a sausage, 2 bitter balls and a little pot of mayonnaise
• Bigamy…………..What is the penalty for bigamy? …………… Two mothers-in-law!
• What does it say on the wrapping of the Morning-after pil??? ……first some screwing before use
• Farmer seeks woman with tractor. Please add photo of tractor.
• Do you think I can live for another fourty years? … Do you drink? … No! … Do you smoke? … No! … Do you visit the whores? … No! ……. Why do you want to live another fourty years?
• Dialogue between 2 undertakers. “Do you have sometimes a dead period?”
• There are numerous restaurants where you can eat Chinese. But it does not help a bit. There are more every day.
• Do you believe that getting married on a Friday brings bad luck? “Of course, why would Friday be an exception?”
• Can I go to the theatre? Asks a mosquito to her mother. “Yes but be aware, pay attention during the applause.”