who conjured up some amazing dishes, this one being the simplest and one of the tastiest. It goes well with curry.

Ingredients (use vegan versions):

  • lentils
  • loads of garlic (to taste)
  • garam masala
  • paprika
  • ginger
  • chili powder
  • black pepper
  • oil


1) Boil some lentils (or split peas or whatever) until nice and mushy.

2) Separately, fry loads of garlic (to taste) in a little oil.

3) Add garam masala, paprika, ginger, chili powder, black pepper to oil in whatever quantity you’d like best (I like lots of garlic and garam masala with a fair bit of chilli for whack).

4) Then simply mix the two lots to form a rather unpleasant-looking gunge.

It looks disgusting but it’s damn gorgeous. It’s also lethal for the lower regions.