1. Work until you don’t have to, introduce yourself.
2. I’m the dude with cool attitude.
3. When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car
4. I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
5. Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
6. Everyone has an annoying friend. If you don’t have one, it’s probably you.
7. Yes, I’m smiling and you’re not the reason anymore.
8. Silence is the best response to a fool.
9. A tear is made of 1% of water and 99% of feelings.
10. It’s not an attitude, it’s the way I am.
11. I don’t have an attitude problem, I just have a personality that you can’t handle.
12. My life my rules. _|_
13. Don’t judge me I was born to be awesome not perfect.
14. The best things in life are free, the second best are very expensive.
15. I am not arguing, I’m simply explaining why I am right.
16. Unless your name is GOOGLE, stop acting like you f*cking know everything.
17. I’m Waiting for GF Message!
18. Always smiling, because your smile is a reason for many others to smile. Smile please!
19. When you care about someone, their happiness matters more than yours!
20. Good thing is listening a new song is that it doesn’t remind you of anyone…
21. Someone asked me ‘How is your life?’ I just smiled and replied, She is fine…
22. I don’t care what people think or say about me…
23. There are two type of people winner and loser, winner always working hard, loser always try to shortcut for win.
24. I’m cool but summer made me hot!
25. I’m jealous my parents, I’ll never have a kid as cool as theirs.
26. I want my Girlfriend like Google, She will understand me better.
27. Every problem comes with solution, but my GF don’t have.
28. Dear Lord, there is a bug in your software… It’s called #Sunday, please fix it!
29. I wish my parents were like Google… they should understand me even before I complete…
30. Every problem comes with some solution… If it doesn’t have any solution, it’s a Girl!
31. I am not Spiderman Nor Superman However i am superhero for my GF…
32. People say me bad.. but trust me I am the worst!
33. I don’t need to explain myself because, I know I’m right.
34. Phones are better than GF, At least we can switch it off…
35. Totally available! Please disturb me!
36. Life must go on :-)
37. I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy just to check out ass.
38. Who says nothing is impossible. I’ve been doing nothing for years.
39. Keep calm and enjoy life.
40. Life without mistakes is like, education without books.
41. Maybe being nice is more important than being cool.
42. Nowadays, “Cool” Means – I Really Don’t Care.
43. For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember.. that’s where the knives are kept.
45. Telling someone that you’re going to bed, When you’re actually not, and then having to hold back from sending messages on Whatsapp.
46. If you don’t do stupid things while you’re young, you’ll have nothing to smile about when you’re old.
47. I hate it when I’m singing along to a song and the artist gets the words wrong
48. My grandma has always told me that if you have nothing good to say then don’t say anything at all, yet people still wonder why I am so quiet (:
49. That awkward moment when you’re trying to ignore a call and accidentally answer it.
50. If nobody hates you, you are doing something boring.
51. We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police
52. A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
53. Wanted to kill the sexiest person alive…But suicide’s a crime.
54. Remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit.
55. Teaching your own mother how to use Whatsapp is like willingly signing your own death warrant.
56. If money grew on trees, girls would be dating monkeys!
57. I am not born to please people, So if you want to get pleased try me in next life… good luck!
58. Girls spend the first 10 years of their life’s playing with barbies. The next 10 years of their life’s they try to look like one. (;
59. I used to play sports a lot. Until, recently I realized that trophies are much cheaper than I ever imagined they were. You know what, now I’m good at everything.
60. I could talk about myself for hours. But the second someone asks me to tell them a little bit about myself? I can’t even remember my name.
61. Warning!!! Aliens are coming to abduct all the sexy, beautiful people!! Don’t worry…you are OK. I just wanted to say “Good-Bye!”
62. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
63. The longer the title the less important the job.
64. Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
65. By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.
66. The real reason women live longer than men because they don’t have to live with women.
67. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
68. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
69. We buy things we don’t need, with money we don’t have, to impress people we don’t know.
70. I may be fat, but you’re ugly – I can lose weight!
71. Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
72. Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
73. If winning isn’t everything why do they keep score?
74. Girls are like roads, more the curves, more the dangerous they are.
75. Our generation doesn’t knock on doors. We will call or text to let you know we’re outside.
76. By the time you learn the rules of life, you’re too old to play the game.
77. Don’t steal. That’s the government’s job.
78. Women should not have children after 35. Really… 35 children are enough.
79. There are no winners in life… only survivors.
80. Without ME, it’s just AWESO.
81. The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.
82. I’m in shape. Round is a shape isn’t it?
83. The farther away the future is, the better it looks.
84. There are two kinds of people who don’t say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.
85. I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
86. If you do a job too well, you will get stuck with it.
87. The winner of the rat race is still a rat.
88. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
89. Whatsapp Status account for sale, Friends included.
90. God made everything that has life, rest everything is made in China.
91. I wake up when I can’t hold my pee in any longer.
92. Behind every great woman is a man looking at her ass!
93. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
94. That awkward moment when you realize that “deleting History” is more important than “creating History” nowadays.
95. If you can’t Change a Girl…..Change the Girl.
96. When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the…”
97. I think my iPhone is not working. I pressed the home button and I’m still at school.
98. Dear Lord, all I ask for a chance to prove that winning the lottery won’t make a bad person.
99. I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice.
100. I look at people sometimes and think… Really? That’s the sperm that won.
1. Work until you don’t have to, introduce yourself.