1. I’m not changed it’s just I grew up and you should try too.
2. I never insult people I only tell them what they are.
3. If you think I am BAD than you’re wrong, I’m the worst.
4. The biggest slap to your enemies is your success.
5. I always arrive late at office but I make it by leaving early.
6. I’m sorry my fault. I forgot you’re an Idiot.
7. I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own FONT.
8. My attitude based on how you treat me.
9. Hakuna Matata!!! – The great motto to live life…
10. Yeah You – the one reading my status, Get Lost!
11. When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
12. I know the voices in my head aren’t real but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!
13. I loved a girl and she broke my heart. Now every piece of my heart love different girls. People called it flirt that’s not fair.
14. Dear Mario, I wasted my childhood trying to save your girlfriend. Now, you help me to save mine.
15. Me and my wife live happily for 25 years and then we met…
16. Childhood is like being drunk, everyone remembers what you did, except you.
17. I’m poor. I can’t pay ATTATION in Class room.
18. When I’m good I’m best, when I’m bad I’m worst.
19. I’m cool but global warming made me hot.
20. Excuse me. I found something under my shoes oh its your Attitude.
21. If people are trying to bring you ‘Down’, It only means that you are ‘Above them’.
22. Please don’t get confused between my personality & my attitude.
23. My personality is who I am & my attitude depends on who you are!
24. I’m Not Special , I’m Just Limited Edition.
25. Everything that kills me makes me feel alive.
26. I enjoy when people show Attitude to me because it shows that they need an Attitude to impress me!
27. Stop checking my status! Go get a Life!
28. Coins always make sound but the currency notes are always silent! that’s why I’m always calm & silent.
29. My “last seen at” was just to check your “last seen at”.
30. Life is too short. Don’t waste it removing pen drive safely.
31. Life will give you exactly what you need, not what you want.
32. I did lots of stupid things on social networking sites but atleast I never commented “Cute pic dear“ on girls profile picture.
33. Your Whatsapp status say’s online… If your online then why aren’t you texting me
34. I started out with nothing and i still have most of it :)
35. I was not busy to be online… I had just gave up on my life when I picked up this girls phone and saw my contact name as “Free Recharge”
36. I will marry the girls who look as pretty as in her Aadhaar card
37. They say we learn from our mistakes. So I’m making as many as possible! Soon I will be a genius.
38. Sorry vegetarians we can’t pretend.
39. Waiting for Wi-Fi network.
40. I wish I had Google in my mind and antivirus in my heart.
41. Life is too short. Don’t waste it reading my Whatsapp status…
42. Tried to loose weight… But it keeps finding me.
43. I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by selling my car.
44. I’m looking for a bank loan which can perform two things… give me a Loan and then leave me Alone.
45. Lazy People Fact #5812672793 You were too lazy to read that number.
46. Sleep till you’re hungry… Eat till you’re sleepy.
47. If you’re bad. Call me your Dad.
48. If I was asked what a friend looks like, I would seat next to you and hold you tight because you define what true friendship really is.
49. Friends are the family you choose.
50. Good friends will share the umbrella. Best friends will steal it and yell: It’s Awesome, Now Run!
51. What is a Best friend? A single soul in two bodies.
52. Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.
53. A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.
54. True friendship is sitting together in silence and feeling like it was the best conversation you’ve ever had.
55. Friends are notes to life’s great songs. A melody that carries you along.
56. A best friend is someone who tells you the truth even when you don’t want to hear it.
57. I don’t have an attitude, I have standards for the people who are supposed to be my friends.
58. It is better to live alone. There is no friendship with a fool.
59. A true friend sees the first tear, catches the second an stops the third.
60. A true friend reaches for your hand and touches your hear.
61. That awesome moment when you’re telling a lie and your best friend notices and joins you.
62. My friends are the weirdest, most craziest people I know but I love them.
63. World is full of smiles, whenever friends are with me.
64. If friendship is your weakest point then your the strongest person in the world.
65. Good friends are like starts. You don’t always see them but you know they’re always there.
66. Fake friends believe in rumors. Real friends believe in you.
67. Never forget who was there for you when no one else was.
68. Every friendship doesn’t change into love but every love begins with friendship.
69. A beautiful friendship can change people.
70. True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable.
71. A good friend would bail you out of jail but your best friend would be the one sitting next to you saying, damn that was cool.
72. A true friend is someone who never gets tried of listening to your pointless dramas over and over again.
73. Relation of friendship is greater than the relation of blood.
74. A friend is someone who can see the truth and pain in you even when you are fooling everyone else.
75. A day spend with friends is always a day well spend.
76. Good friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, impossible to forget.
77. I’ve been using Google for 10 years and I have no idea who uses the “I’m Feeling Lucky” button
78. Everyone has an annoying friend. If you don’t have one, it’s probably you.
79. I love to walk in fog, because nobody knows I’m smoking.
80. I’m not drunk, I’m just chemically off-balanced.
81. Oh, so you wanna argue, brings it. I got my CAPS LOCK ON.
82. I’m so poor that I can’t pay attention in class.
83. Warning!!! I know KARATE and few other oriental words.
84. I’m not virgin, my life fucks me everyday.
85. I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.
86. Save water drink beer.
87. Virginity is not dignity, it is just lack of opportunity.
88. Not all men are fools, some stay bachelor.
89. Phones are better than girlfriends, at least we can switch off.
90. I love my job only when I’m on vacation.
91. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up.
92. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
93. In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
94. How is a poor man a lot like a rich man? they both have an iPhone.
95.Some people call me Mike, you can call me tonight.
96. Sometimes you succeed and other times you learn.
97. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle… He’s dreaming too.
98. Scratch here ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal my status.
99. Not always “Available”… try your Luck..
100. Time is precious, waste it wisely.
1. I’m not changed it’s just I grew up and you should try too.