Had I gotten that as a prize, it would’ve been difficult to hide my utter disgust.
If you really want to know how ridiculous I look.
I probably would’ve run over the damn thing and left its remnants in the parking lot here at work.
Halloween is really a waste of time as far as work is concerned.
I paid $4000 for the thing, but I don’t know what it’s blue book is.
I’m a ballerina.
I’m heading over to my parents’ house to distribute candy to all of the kids in their neighborhood.
At the end of the potluck.
There are no redeeming qualities about that damn thing.
Sounds like a good plan for the…..
Better to start life afresh again over there, and forget things over here.
he didn’t make it yesterday.
He arrived right on time and called me from downstairs.
these things hold odor like a sponge holds water.
I am not sure what’s up with the vehicle yet.
One guy saw that spectacle today by accident and I think it scarred him for life.
I do wonder what it’s going to be like if the funerals i have to attend are going to be related to me somehow.
I’m dressed like a crazy ballerina.
free this chain from my heart…
I found myself not getting too much done.
It’s nothing I would ever buy for myself, but now that I own one, I wonder what I’ve been doing without one for so long.
Each person had to walk out in front of the crowd and do a little performance.
Which will go on to replace…..
And then I came back and had crepes for dinner.
And normally he only wears plaid flannel pants when its very dark.
She laughed a lot and she seems really happy with her mom.
it sure is pretty.
I’ll be out some serious cash.
We had a special 2 hour potluck at lunch.
I don’t understand how you ladies deal with tights and leotards and shit like that.
Needless to say, I ended up tying for first place.
I know the value of that.
Im baking dozens of as a small token of thanks for everybodys favorite Search and Rescue Team.
It pretty accurately captures her personality.
She’s 4 months old now and she’s nice and fat.
So Im just going to give you one.
A large glass of peppermint tea and a few books kept me company at a sunny table while I about Emily Dickinson’s reclusive life.
I cant decide if hes greedy for more invitations or if hes just become that scary.
his feet are bony and veiny because he is skinny.
Who am I suppose to yell at?
Gopi does not smoke either.
To compliment the chocolate chips, creating what will soon be known as The Coca Cola.
It’s like a subscription to my brain!
Normally his toenails are not this dirty.
That stupid man and his wife left me alone in this hellhole for four days.
The only person I saw was the weird lady whose job is apparently to give me food and forget to clean the litter box.
when instead of burping after her bottle she let out a big explosive fart.
I like it when skateboarders smile at me because they wonder what I’m smiling about, what I’m listening to, where I’m going as I walk down the street.
I walked down the street today in flip flops and a thin sweater with my headphones playing bright eyes.
in what we all hope will be the last mention of Lanes disappearance, I would like to share something disgusting with you.
I sometimes hold cigarettes, but I am physically incapable of inhaling.
I don’t think she has a single complaint about the attention and time she has to devote to her.
I swear she did it to entertain the girls.
Who’s going to watch me take a nap?
Better to be considered a pedophile then the guy who got caught scratching his nuts in public I always say.
I came to the realization lately that Ive been smoking way to many cigarettes.
That way I can really let them know how I feel when they call me in the middle of my dinner.
I mean its mildly offensive humor that might be more offensive then humorous.
I cant wait till the day they finally create working teleporters.
are there men out there who compete with there girlfriend/wife to eat his sperm when they are both on a diet?
Ive forgotten most of those like Ive forgotten the ones I intended to…….
Not to toot my own horn……
This is a picture of his feet last Tuesday evening, after he had spent the previous day and night walking forty miles.
She wasn’t so crazy after all.
I like to sit in coffee shops alone doing my work.
Apparently I can’t shut up…
yelling at your husband for no reason as the ultimate cure for PMS.
Then again I probably could have picked a better time to say it then at the dinner table at her parents house.
So much to say… and such a strange way to say it.
Smack me if I take…….
didnt appreciate my candor……
you might as well have the big pay off at the end of it.
Then I can take a big ol steaming pile of crap on the pad and send it to every telemarketer who calls me.
I wonder why no one has invented pills……
if it is Id rather not have the illusion broken.
Apparently I seriously offended a girl.
How come it costs that much for a lap dance when you can get the same thing for free on a seriously crowded bus?
WIve been thinking about something that bothers me on occasion.
Do you think its a bad idea that I should tell……
pure luck I remember it again.
Write the break-up between two immortals
“For the love of god help me ! “He screamed…
“Wait, are we killing the cat or not?”
Begin with the sentence, “I am alone, but I am happy”.