accompanied on the xylophone by
applying sunscreen to
being driven mad by
being held hostage by
being made miserable by
being taught to Tango by
building an ark with
carrying a large box for
carving a marble bust of
cat-sitting for
catching a frisbee thrown by
co-piloting a jumbo jet with
contemplating the Theory of Relativity with
copying calculus homework from
crying over
delivering a eulogy of
delivering pizza to
discovering a new world with
disguised as
doing an impression of
doing a root canal operation on
doing the Hokey-Pokey with
drawing a caricature of
drinking a whole bottle of hot sauce as a result of a bet with
driving a bulldozer over
driving a steam-roller over
eeling a little hurt by
feeling threatened by
fetching coffee for
folding laundry for
frying some eggs for
getting a haircut from
getting jiggy with
getting tickled by
going to Senior Prom with
having a laugh with
having a rap battle with
hawking home-grown tomatoes to
hiding from
in an \”it’s complicated\” relationship with
in an a cappella group with
in a shouting match with
investing large amounts of cash for
jogging alongside
lathering up
lecturing to
losing a hotdog-eating contest to”
losing at Monopoly to
making a documentary of
making a montage about
making a sandwich for
making a sculpture of
making uncomfortable eye contact with
mining Bitcoins with
Netflix-and-chilling with
on fire with
opening a can of kidney beans for
ordering 10 pounds of General Tso’s Chicken for”
out to lunch with
partying hard with
performing an improvised song and dance with
picking a pocket of”
playing \”doctor\” with”
playing a pick-up basketball game against
playing chess with
playing ping-pong against
posting an indignant Facebook status update about
practicing medicine on
pretending to be
proposing marriage to
protesting against
providing career counseling for
reading ‘Moby Dick’
reading Miranda rights to
reading mean Tweets about
refusing to eat anything but
relaxing with
riding a mule alongside
roasting chestnuts on an open fire with
roasting marshmallows over a campfire with
rocking out on an air guitar with
running a campaign against
running after
running from
sharing a beer with
singing a love song to
singing the alphabet to
sobbing on
spending some quality bonding time with
spraying rather a lot of Febreze on
stealing from
stealing the identity of
stuck in traffic with
studying Latin with
taking candid pictures of
taking the family dog for a walk with
talking about
telling a joke to
testifying in court against
throwing stones at
trying not to be seen by
trying to act impressive toward
trying to pay no attention to
trying to sell a used car to
twerking on
wrapping a Chanukah present for
writing a biography of
writing a letter to
writing a poem about
voting for
all day long
all night long
amid the Gladiators in the Colosseum
at a 5-year-old girl’s Taylor Swift-themed birthday party
at a Beatles concert in 1964
at Boot Camp graduation
at dawn in…
at Disney World
at home and….
at night I…
at Snooki’s book-signing
at sunset wirh
“at the bottom of an abandoned salt mine
at the top of the Washington monument
back in the good ol’ days
before a live studio audience
beneath the desert sky
beneath the Eiffel Tower
beneath the twinkling Milky Way
during a flood
during the Black Plague of 1347
every couple of hours
every Tuesday I….
in a burning building
in a dangerous neighborhood
in a dead end alley
in a disgusting public bathroom
in a field of goats
in a field of golden wheat
in a galaxy far, far away
in a glass house
in a high school gymnasium
in an abandoned insane asylum
in an airplane lavatory
in an all-you-can-eat buffet line
in an old life boat
in a quiet Alpine meadow
in a remote region of Nigeria
in a rotting tree house
in a slimy cave
in a smoke-filled bar
in a swamp near New Orleans
in Carnegie Hall
in church on a Sunday morning
in first class on a trans-Atlantic flight
in front of 7,000 armed soldiers
in Gordon Ramsay’s sweltering kitchen
in Jennifer Lawrence’s dressing room
in Kim Jong-un’s personal bathroom
in line at the DMV
in Nelson Mandela’s jail cell in 1983
in Pizza Hut
in plain sight
in San Francisco
inside a broken elevator
in the ancient Roman Senate
in the Apple store
in the basement
in the Eigth Circle of Hell
in the Great Hall of Hogwarts
in the lost city of Ghadames
in the McDonald’s drive-thru
in the middle of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade
in the morning
in the Penthouse Suite of a Waldorf Astoria Hotel
just as the Prophecy foretold
next door
off the coast of Malta
on a boat
on a busy Monday
on a crowded beach
on a deserted island
on Air Force One
on a Russian highway with a military escort
one day before the wedding
on stage in front of 10,000 screaming fans
on the castle battlements
on the Ellen Show
on the International Space Station
on the Internet
on the Moon
on the rolling sands of the Sahara Desert
on the roof of the White House
on the slopes of Mount Doom
on the Stanford University Quad
on the steps of the Roman Forum
on the streets of Moscow
on the summit of Mount Everest
on the tip of an iceberg
on the treacherous slopes of K2
right behind you
under the bleak Martian sun
under the sea
under the unsleeping Eye of Sauron
under your bed lays…..
with your mom