• Overall thoughts: scenes at restaurant are too long, and a bit repetitive. Introduce new scenes outside restaurant with either new characters or side segments with wine-runners or Sasson
• Specific scenes to work on:
• Deepen Nebraska mission story line
• Deepen Sasson Madagascar storyline, with jellyfish swimming scene and childhood cutaway. Show Sasson with and without tan depending on chronology if Sasson scenes.
• Scene 11: make better, more interesting and intentionally mysterious
• Rework scenes with Brian and Martha on break
• Insert Thomas Matthew jokes (guys making fun of his stance, TM always on edge of frame ect…
• Rework introduction of Piano player in bathroom scene
• Create a better ending with some cliffhanger/joke/story convergence
• Rework all of Sasson mission with Lang. Flow, jokes, clarity ect..
• By Ep3 we should have a clearer picture of Sasson’s adventures having some continuity with his own storyline as well as a real mystery question of the Sasson/Brian connection. Use Sasson/Lang mission to that cause.
• Better plan on mystery elements in Sasson/Brian connection: specific words said, characters used in each scene, gestures used, similarities ect…
• Better line-up jokes
• Rewrite bathroom scene
• Scene 23: better resolution and focus on Martha eyeing Lang while playing piano
Extension of Madagascar storyline with Sasson:
Brian one-up: says he swam into a school of jellyfish, got stung over a hundred times, didn’t hurt that bad. Cut to Sasson in tropical ocean with buddy. Sasson sniffs and says he can tell the jellyfish are in mating season, and therefore their stingers are harmless. Sasson and buddy swim in and around them. Coming out of beach, buddy is covered with stinging wounds, says, “mating season, my ass!” Sasson shrugs, “I must be immune.” Cut-away to Sasson/Brian as child in bathtub, Dad is throwing little jellyfish into tub with him screaming. Dad says, “You’ll thank me when you’re older.”
Thomas-Matthew speaks Arabic or farcie: TM reading farcie book, “This book is so good…makes you wanna skip to the end.” He flips to first page
Thomas-Matthew in various cover bands: Cut-aways of TM’s Limp Bitzcuit non-profanity cover band. Cut to video, “it’s all about the nookie, so you can take that cookie and stick it up your butt, stick it up your whaaaaaat? Stick it up your buuuuuttt.”
Hip hop crew: damn that girls’ got a big ole booty, touch it touch it touch it…
Thomas-Matthew tells a joke: “What is an Italian guy’s favorite letter of the alphabet? ….a refrigerator!
Bock says, “what?”
Thomas-Matthew, “oh, no, wait, I messed that up.”
Everyone goes away, leaving Brian and Thomas-Matthew alone in awkward silence.
Brian says, “don’t worry about them, I got it. Refrigerator, ha, pretty good.”
Thomas-Matthew, “The punchline… an Italian’s favorite letter is A, like…aaaaaaaaaaa.(Fonzie-style)”
Brian, “Oh, right, that’s what I thought you meant.” (after another uncomfortable pause) You know, I’m actually pretty funny.”
Cut away to Sasson in night club doing stand-up, killing it. “I asked a trainer to teach me to do the splits. He asked me if I’m flexible, I said I can’t do Tuesdays.” “I went to the zoo the other day and there was only one dog….it was a shit-zoo.”
Thomas-Matthew and racism: Franklin discussing going back to college for masters. Thomas-Matthew tells everyone he is banned for life from going to college. Someone made up a quote from him in the track section of his high school yearbook. The yearbook was completed before the track season ended, so the writers just made up quotes from track athletes. Obvious generic quotes, but Thomas-Matthew’s say’s something really racist, and is therefore banned from all colleges in America.
Thomas-Matthew- my cousin is running for local office, so I’m going out on the campaign trail, you know, kissing hands and shaking babies.
Franklin says slowly- “you mean shaking hands….and kissing babies, don’t you?”
Thomas-Matthew- “What? No, you hold up the baby and they’re so cute and jiggly you just wanna…you just wanna …shake ‘em(hangs in air shaking gesture).”
Don’t wake your father: Brian was always told not to wake Dad up early, because he has quick defensive reactions due to his extensive martial arts training, and he could karate chop anything that wakes him. Cutaway: show Brian as a kid with friend in Dad’s bedroom doorway, they throw a stuffed horse towards the bed. Head of horse and random stuffing fly back at them through the frame, horse-head knocking Brian’s friend out of frame with a yell.
Backyard fault line: In response to an earthquake at restaurant; Brian’s story of backyard being on a fault line. Later show Brian as a kid, backyard has a big crack in the earth, mysterious red steam coming out of it.
Wrist injury- Brian complains of a wrist injury, can’t carry tray, manager makes him so he goes to HR. HR director tells him he has to loose weight.
Skydiving: Thomas-Matthew story of going skydiving. “It was ok, but if I do it again I’m going to request a different style of harness. Cutaway of TM falling back-down through the air, harnessed face to face with the instructor, who’s screaming “woooooo, how’s that feel man?!” right into TM’s face. TM is looking uncomfortable but is still trying to smile.
Furry: Thomas-Matthew showing, between other’s dialogue, pictures on his phone of his kids at bdays and such. Each photo is shown over whole scene, finally BJ asks why Thomas-Matthew is wearing such detailed animal suits. Thomas-Matthew says he and his wife were furries, and they met a furry convention. He didn’t even know she was persian until after they went of three furry dates. And now they have kids, so they obviously don’t do the furry thing anymore, because that would be wrong, but they still kept the suits.