The cowboy looked around
his cozy home upon the range,
And realized that lately
he’d been seenin’ some things change.
But instead of getting better,
certain things were getting worse.
They sure weren’t moving forward;
they were going in reverse!
It was getting close to roundup time,
and he’d had a trying week,
So when something made him angry,
he felt inclined to speak.
The final straw came
as he was readying for bed,
And the actions of his wife
had that cowboy seeing red.
He’d walked into the bedroom,
and found to his chagrin
His wife in her new nightie,
rubbing Bag Balm on her skin.
He said, “Darlin’, you know that
I’m not one for confrontation,
But I think it’s time that
you and I had a serious conversation!
I have tried hard to be patient,
but this is the last straw,
And you better pay attention,
’cause I’m laying down the law.
I’m realizing now
I should have used my veto power
The first time that I found that
horse shampoo stuck inside our shower.
I guess I thought it’d end there;
to that I will fess up,
But the mane and tail conditioner
was the next thing to show up.
Then came your daily ritual,
the thought of it still pales;
You sit down at the table
and rub Hooflex on your nails.
And now, I see you sitting here,
pretty as you please
Slathering that Bag Balm
on your hands and feet and knees.
You’ve got to cut this out now,
or we’re headed for divorce!
Good gosh! You”ve got me feeling
like I’m sleeping with my horse!
I’m sorry that I yelled.
I didn”t mean to come unglued,
But I”m afraid that soon
I’ll find Clovite in my food!”
His wife just started laughing
and exclaimed, “Don’t be a ninny!”
Then she hugged her cowboy husband,
and gave a little whinny.